Be Careful Where You Put That Stuff
Posted on Thursday, September 25th, 2008
I was guiding a rafting trip this August and was having a little trouble with chaffing. Quite possibly the cause was a combination of the heat, the constant need to get in and out of the river to stay cool and a really old pair of river shorts. I have tried many products to assuage this problem, but with no positive results.
On one trip, a fellow guide must have known I was suffering from my affliction by the way that I was gingerly waddling around in my Carhartt shorts. He gave me some Gold Bond extra medicated powder and suggested I use it. I did, and immediately was on the mend.
What an excellent product for that problem. Everything was cruising along fine and the next evening I wandered a short distance out of camp for a quick five gallon river shower. Being the crunchy river guide that I am of course I had a huge bottle of Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint soap.
Little did I know the combination of Dr Bronner’s Peppermint soap and Gold bond extra medicated powder creates a HIGHLY EXOTHERMIC CHEMICAL REACTION. So there I was, 20+ yards from 24 commercial rafting clients, behind a tree, naked, with my junk on FIRE and only five gallons of water in the immediate vicinity to solve the problem.
Luckily with some deft maneuvering I was able to calm things down with the five gals of water and made it to a more private spot to sit in the river and let Little Timmy and the twins cool off for an extended period of time. I escaped with no physical damage.
I needed to share this with ya’ll for the laugh and the hope that if I get the word out that no one will have to go through the same experience.
Tim O’Connor is a river guide on the Middle Fork of the Salmon river in Idaho and spends his winters in southeast Idaho.
Ouch! Advice is noted.
What is worse is the blue bottle of Gold Bond on you nether regions! It is foot powder with extra flame power. The best solution goes to Anti-Monkey Butt Powder. Yes it is a real product. Better with chaffing and won’t set your junk on fire. It has calamine and make for a silky smooth powdery experience.
I have done that as well on a mountain biking trip. I was in a campground shower repeatedly pushing the button for 5 seconds of relief at a time till it was gone. It was agony! Though just a tingle at first, I did a 4 second forty back to that bath house from my campground.
Gold Bond Medicated Powder is not quite as soothing to the female species. Women, I highly suggest avoiding it in the nether regions due to a personal and rather volatile experience. I couldn’t even IMAGINE adding Dr. Bronner’s to the mix!
use baby powder next time. some guys used it at football camp, it works.
I found my solution to this problem when I had kids. Diaper cream. Guaranteed. Every time. Just lube the sore spots up, or put some in the area as a preventative. Turns out, some cyclists use the stuff to help with chafing on long rides.
Thanks for sharing. This is LOL funny!
“Chaffing,” as in deploying bits of radar-reflective material? Or “chafing,” as in the gerund of “to chafe”?
OUCH!!!!! thanks for the advice! i am a boy scout and will remember these wise words.
I agree with GS above, except in the UK we call them nappies. Nappy rash cream or Sudocrem does the business for curing and preventing ‘intimate chaffing’.
Sorry Jack, chafing.
duh?
I don’t know … if chaff is a sudden cloud of tiny, sharp, metallic-like shards meant to distract and confuse … maybe chaffing isn’t so far off the mark.
Great blog, so I added to my blogroll.
Thanks for the painfully discover advice about what to avoid.
Man, My friends are going to hate me…
Overtone- that isn’t painful, it’s incredibly refreshing and soothing. I do it with my friends; we call it gold bonding.
try good ol corn starch for the “crunchys”. works da best for swamp butt, but my friends better watch out for the combo you used on our next trip!!! ha ha!!!!
Cornstarch does wonders for chafing. Take a small baggie or rubbermaid container of it with you next time. It’s absorbent, so no moisture issue to irritate the chafing even more, and coats the chafed area to help it dry out and heal. Great for overnight use – chafed areas are usually better the next day.
I’ve found one of the best products for my family when we run into situations like this (unbearable chafing) is to use Monistat’s new “Chafing Relief Powder-Gel” from their line of “Soothing Care” products. I bought it first for my fiance who was absolutely miserable on a camping trip and we were amazed at the results, now we always keep several tubes handy for any trip we go on. On the downside, my fiance finds it embarrassing that this product is not only manufactured by but is on the same aisle as the feminine products.
It might help your original chafing problem if you quit wearing that smooth, sexy, and much too tight gold lam’e bikini bottom under your river shorts.
What interests me is how did “Trish” find out about Tim’s proclivity toward wearing gold lam’e under garments?
If you were really crunchy, you would have avoided soap altogether.